Can I love you my Way?

For me to feel loved by someone means they love me, not only in their own insistent way...but also in the way that is important to me, in order to feel that they do.

It is very possible that you can impress 'your own way of loving some one' on them. That doesn't mean that they will recognize or feel your effort at all. If it is truly important to me that you walk away with the right intended message of how much I love you...I simply have to pay attention to the way you recognise love. The way you feel it & connect with it. The way you express it, is most often the simple way you ask for it & how want to receive it. I'm aware that it is more complex than just that. But this concept should get you started in a productive direction.

I do not like the term 'Love-Language', but it is an easy way to ground this concept. I'm sure you have come across this term some where in your life. The short version of it is this:
People want done to them, what they do or make happen for others. Very simple idea. If you want to know how I feel appreciated/respected/loved...look what I do for you. I do for others, that which I would like to be on the receiving end of. Again, very simple concept...right?

Here is where things get a bit sticky. Most of the time, we find ourselves in a very justified place of deep effort, where we simply insist that you see the effort we make according to our own capacity. This capacity & effort is where we be met at. I feel that my own attempt to show you appreciation/respect/love is enough. I feel it is my best effort. I feel justified in that effort. I feel you cannot possibly need anything more, because I love you in the way that is important to ME! I take care of the things that you don't, in our relationship so therein lies my love for you. My attempt is comprehensive. I fill in the can you miss that?

Here is an example...All my son wants is my continues, uninterrupted & undivided attention. I can put endless measures, cheap or very expensive ones, in place that he will enjoy to be busy with...but they are all empty & in vain if I am not part of that package. My son knows & feels that I love him when I sit next to him & play with him. I can give him a list of everything I do for him that show & demonstrate my unconditional love for him, but he just cannot connect with that type of effort. He is very vocal at what an absolute waste of time it is to try & love him that way. What will he remember when I'm gone? What will he say about me when he's older?

How does he love me? He expresses that by inviting me & orchestrating our family in such a way that him & I can be alone as much as possible. It is so easy to down-play this simply because he is only 8. Adults feel kids just don't understand. They will when they are older. My humble opinion is that the only thing they will understand when they are older, is that it is a waste of time to pay attention to how people ask to be loved because no one will. If your dad wont, (whom is the most invested person you could ever know), who the hell would do it then? By loving my kids in the way they clearly demonstrate to the only way for me to assure they walk away with the correct message. We could be busy with the dumbest exercise together, what they see is how much I care, how invested I am, how much I love them.

If I try to force-feed my own love-effort, some one will choke on it! Is that what you want?

Every person will show you how to love them. If they are important enough to you, you will learn...& you will apply yourself more accurately. If some one says to you that they love you...let it be because they love the (love-effort) you show toward them.

I started to understand this principle through music many years ago. People would come up to me & express how good they think I am...I would never know what to do with such a comment, because how could any one that know nothing about music pay such a complement. They simply cannot know what they are talking about. Until I started to understand, when some one says: "You are good"... they are simply saying: "I love the way you make me feel"
& that to them is what a good musician does.

If I like the way you make me feel...I feel you love me. The way you deliver your message is equally important in every potential way to the message itself.

Apply yourself better. Apply yourself properly. Make sure they know!